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February 24 Penis Graph.Me: Chris, do you have sensitive nipples? Chris: I've never compared them to anyone else's. If you rub them they tingle. Sometimes I rub them myself. it's quite a hilarious site. Well picture me in the bathroom mirror, fondling my own breasts and rubbing my nipples till they point, then flicking them. I'm not embarassed about those types of things. Like this morning, I was playing with my penis in the shower. Not in a masturbation way, just like flinging it from side to side, smacking it up against the shower curtain, trying to turn up the hot water with it, that sort of thing.
Me: Did you succeed in turning the water up?
Chris: Yes, but it took a while. It's the type with one big knob you turn left or right. So I had to throw a little pelvis into it. February 18 The Environment and the EmergencyOh my. Friday was an adventure, now wasn't it? First the wind that made you hair jab you in the eyes, then the crazy rain, and the standing in line in mud infused with who knows what. Hey, we all know what goes on outside the Pavilion. I don't wanna wallow in it for very long, if at all possible. But no complaints from me! I got to see Joel Plaskett and that's lots of goodness. And of course it was funny when they broke the stage...
 We broke the Pavilion... it's gonna cost a billion I was gonna rant more... but I'm sleepy. And cold. Kitty!"He starts thinking about the last two minutes, the last two hours, the last two days, the last two weeks, the last two months... and that's when tonight he suffers from what we call "enlightenment". And his enlightenment, is that he realizes his wife's fucking the human cannonball." February 04 Enslavement by Spiders.Oh my. First semester is over, which means I have one semester left of high school, but that's scary and I don't want to think about it. What I DO want to think about is how there's only 4 weeks and 6 days until I go to Europe. Oh the insanity. Maybe I should start doing some actually planning... procrastinating sounds like a bad idea. I have so many Rocky Horror Picture Show songs stuck in my head right now, and I'm trying to learn The Birdman by OLP, so they've mixed together. "Hopelessly, a man starts to feed your sweet transvestite." My poor head. My body is exhausted! But in a good way. I like being exhausted. Story time! So I'm helping my dad clean out a corner in my basement (there were pretty plates in boxes that have been there for 18 years), and I was standing in the middle of the room trying not to sneeze from all the dust, when I thought I saw a major cobweb on the pussywillows on top of the TV. Upon closer inspection ("these are loafers") I found that it was, in fact, not a cobweb, but many many baby spiders. So I ran flailing to where my dad was yelling "Baby spiders baby spiders lots and lots of baby spiders!". After some "No way!", he came and saw them and told me to go get a bag. I got the biggest bag I could find, and my dad stuffed the spider-ridden pussywillows into it, and told me to toss it outside. I ran up the stairs with "Baby spiders baby spiders!" running spastically though my head. Now. I wouldn't say I'm afraid of spiders. I don't mind it when there's one of them, and they didn't surprise me. But when there's tonnes of em and they're threatening to enslave my family (Or so I imagined was their plan) I saw the need to quickly eliminate them. Anyway, back to the story. I threw open my back door and for some un-graceful twirly reason ended up in the snow in bare feet. I dropped the bag and jumped back indoors. That's when I realized the bag was blowing away. I'm no Captain Recycle but I can't let that happen. So I run outside again in bare feet, pick up the bag with the intent of bringing it back inside when (thank pie) I realized; Hey, this bag is FULL OF SPIDERS. Silly me. So I half buried it in the snow and made a sad attempt to save my toes. Two pairs of socks and giant slippers worked. And I got to tease my kitten. Silly Loki is afraid of my slippers. Anyway, I'm gonna go back to learning Birdman. Kinda a piss off when I'm too stubborn to tune my bass down half a step. Eff you people, I can just play it one fret down. Take that.
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